Filling the Gaps
by Llywela
Summary: Carly opens up to Sophie


_Disclaimer: I do not have permission to use these characters, and this work is completely unofficial. Home and Away and all characters therein belong to the TV company behind the show._

_This is a fan-fiction story to explain the disappearance of Carly Lucini's oldest child. Philippa's birth, name and gender were announced in 1992 but since then Carly has stated definitively that she has only three sons, who are all younger than her 'missing' daughter Philippa should be._

_The story is set immediately following Summer Bay's 150th anniversary celebrations, aired in the UK in April 2003. Carly and Sophie are travelling back to Perth together._

**

Home and Away: Filling the Gaps

**  
  
"Mary's bringing Tam to the airport to meet me off the plane," Sophie Simpson remarked as she settled into her seat next to Carly Lucini, preparing for the long flight back across Australia to Perth.  
  
"Yeah, Ben's bringing the boys, too," Carly smiled with pleasure at the thought of seeing her family again. The two young women had been foster sisters for a time, more than a decade earlier, but since leaving home had kept in touch only through their former foster mother, Pippa Ross – despite living for almost 10 years in the same city. Now though, having grown close and developed a genuine sisterly bond at a reunion in the town of Summer Bay where they had first met, they had resolved to remain in touch.  
  
"Bet Ben will be glad to see you back home again."  
  
Carly chuckled. "He did sound a bit frazzled on the phone."  
  
"I can imagine. Three boys! I don't know how you manage it – Tam's hard enough for me, and there's just one of her."  
  
"The boys can be a bit of a handful," Carly admitted. "I wouldn't be without them though."  
  
"Yeah, I know what you mean." Sophie smiled at the thought of her beloved daughter.  
  
"Although sometimes …" Carly's voice trailed off, as she tried to find the words to express herself.  
  
"What?" Sophie turned slightly in her seat to face her 'sister'.  
  
"Well … sometimes I worry that we spoil them a bit too much." Carly admitted.  
  
"Don't all parents?" Sophie reassured her.  
  
"Maybe." Carly didn't sound convinced. "Of course, other days I worry that we're too strict, that we don't give them enough freedom."  
  
"That's understandable. Especially after …" Sophie paused there, not sure if it was safe to go any further.  
  
"Especially after Philippa." It was a bald statement, but behind it lay years of pain.  
  
"Yeah." Sophie looked away quickly, aware that she had ventured onto shaky ground.  
  
"It's okay," it was Carly's turn to provide a note of reassurance. "I can say her name, now. And yes, she is the reason that we spoil the boys without ever letting them out of our sight where possible."  
  
"I can't imagine what it was like for you," Sophie murmured, shuddering inwardly at the thought of losing her own, precious daughter.  
  
"I can't describe what it was like," Carly's eyes were dark as she stared blindly at the back of the seat in front, remembering. "And yet I can remember every detail of that day, like it was happening right now."  
  
"It's okay," Sophie told her, suddenly uncomfortable. "You don't have to talk about it."  
  
"No, I don't mind. It's good for me, I expect." Carly paused, lost in memories, before continuing. "Phil was just coming up on her third birthday. We were going to have a little party for her, just a few friends from the mother and baby group I took her to, you know?"  
  
"Yeah, I know," Sophie had organised such parties for her own daughter as a toddler.  
  
"Ben took Phil to the park so I could get the house ready. You know, tidy up, wash the kitchen floor, that kind of thing. I was pregnant with Michael at the time, massive, so everything took longer than it should. I remember being surprised that I'd got everything done and had time to sit down with a cup of tea before they came back. That was when I realised how long they'd been. Then Ben came home, and Philippa wasn't with him. The police came with him. He said …" Carly's words had been coming in a steady monotone, but now faltered slightly. Sophie said nothing, but squeezed her sister's hand slightly, just enough to offer the comfort needed. Carly pressed her hand in gratitude, and then continued. "He said he'd put Phil in the swing and was pushing her. But then he got distracted. A little boy had fallen over and cut his knee badly. He was screaming, and he didn't seem to have anyone with him. Ben went over to see if he was all right. He used his handkerchief to wipe his knee, and then the boy's mother arrived and Ben stopped to talk to her for a moment. Then he went back to the swing and Phil was gone."  
  
Hot tears dripped unheeded down Carly's face, and Sophie became aware of tears in her own eyes. She'd heard the story before, of course, had been given a blow by blow account by Pippa. But somehow hearing it from the bereaved mother herself made it seem so much more real. And more terrible.  
  
"And you've never seen her again?" Sophie already knew the answer, of course, but felt compelled somehow to ask.  
  
Carly shook her head, visibly trying to pull her emotions back under control. "No. The police launched a massive search, of course. There were news reports, appeals, everything. For years. But they never found even the slightest trace. It was as though she had disappeared into thin air."  
  
"God. I can't imagine what I would do without Tam …" Sophie stopped again, unsure of how to continue.  
  
Carly smiled faintly. "She'd be twelve. Only few months older than Tamara. I sometimes wonder, what she'd be like now. Going to High School. Discovering make up, and boys."  
  
"I've got news for you," Sophie told her, wryly. "At twelve and in High School – she'd have learnt everything there is to know about hair, clothes, make up and boys, long ago. If she was anything like Tam, that is."  
  
Carly chuckled, in spite of herself. "Yeah, I suppose you'd know more about that than me. Pre-teen girls, that is. I've got used to having boys. You know, Michael was born right after Phil disappeared. I still believe he was the only thing that kept me sane during that time. Me and Ben."  
  
Sophie was silent, not knowing what to say.  
  
"And then," Carly continued. "When I got pregnant again, I was so confused. You see, Philippa had been missing for more than three years by then – longer than we had her for. We had given up hope. And then I got pregnant and I didn't know what to think. I was afraid that the baby would be another girl, and that I would resent her for taking Phil's place. But then the baby was born and it was a boy, and I was so relieved. Jordan Philip we called him, in memory of Philippa. Ben didn't want to, he said it was like admitting that she was dead. But we had already given up hope. We'll never have her back now." Carly broke off again, and dashed a hand across her eyes, before fiercely continuing. "Of course, when I fell pregnant with Ryan I almost hoped that it would be a girl. I felt ready, and I missed having a daughter. But it was another boy. And I don't mind that, I wouldn't swap Ryan for anything. I just feel sad, sometimes, that I'll never know what it's like to raise a daughter. To experience that bond, like you have with Tamara. Girls are different than boys."  
  
"So they tell me," Sophie remarked lightly. "I've never had a son, so I wouldn't know."  
  
Carly smiled softly. "You'll have to bring Tamara over for dinner sometime, once we've all settled back down. I'd love to meet my little niece, and introduce you to the boys."  
  
"Yeah, I will," Sophie smiled back. "I can't believe we haven't done something like that before. It's so silly – to have family so close and never see each other."  
  
"Absolutely," Carly agreed. "It'll be different from now on."  
  
The 'sisters' hugged, glad to have rediscovered one another and forged a strong friendship to take them both into the future, whatever it may hold.  
  
Llywela, April 2003 

Feedback is always welcome


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